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So, I was editing "Fight On, Second Lieutenant!", and this rabbit bit me. 

Two Glasses of Pastis and a Bowl of Olives
Fullmetal Alchemist, Havoc/Lust. 
Mangaverse, spoilers up to Chapter 34. In fact, probably won't make much sense unless you're read up to Chapter 34.
R for swears, so I guess worksafe-ness depends on where you work.
588 words. 
Summary: Lust had better be getting paid time-and-a-half for this.
Note: unbetaed. May contain traces of nuts.
"So. The lines are colour-coded, but not all the trains on each line take the same route. The T4 stops at every station, but the T6 is an express service which just stops at the major ones. That's how you missed your stop and ended up late. The stations marked with a circle on the map are interchanges. But don't ever change at Allenburg Square if you can help it, it gets rammed with tourists and it takes forever to get through. Go two stops on and change at Fuller Street instead. Got it, Jean?"

"Uh, I think so. So from home, instead of taking the T4 from Aveline Park, I should walk up two more blocks to Fountain, catch the T6, and change at Fuller Street. That makes sense. You're pretty good with this stuff."

"Well. I have to use the underground a lot for work."


"What the hell are you doing?"

"Go away."

"No, seriously. What the hell?"

"I am using this spirit gum to stick this necklace over my tattoo. Now stop poking your nose down my cleavage and give me some privacy, Envy."

"So the Lieutenant's going to score? Woo! That's real nice for the rest of us. Getting laid always makes you less of a bitch. Kind of."


"Wha - aaaah! Aaah! The fuck? I was using those eyes. Hate when you do that."

"Envy. I am pushing you out the door. I am locking the door. And if you pour yourself through the keyhole, I am going to do that again."


"... So?"

"So? She's nice. She's a lovely young lady. Did I tell you she came over and got me to unpack the rest of my boxes? And she organised everything so nice, I'm telling you, a woman's touch, if I'd unpacked on my own it would all just have been in piles on the floor. And she showed me how to shelve my records so they don't get all scratched -"

"I mean, so, is she a babe or what? 'Cause, man, you've done nothing but talk about her nice personality, and you're starting to make me to think she's a dog."

"I'm being a gentleman. She's cute. No, cute is not the word. Actually, she is incredibly amazingly smoking hot. In fact, I can't believe she's such a nice girl, you'd think being so gorgeous she'd have an attitude, but no, she's really -"

"Havoc. What does she look like?"

"Cute face. Long hair. Great butt, teeny little waist. Greatest rack you've ever seen in your whole life."

"... I hate you."

"Really long legs, but not too skinny, you know, sort of muscley but not too much, kind of curvy thighs. Nice. Actually, she looks kind of like that movie star with the big hair, you know, Elsa Whatsit, what was her surname again?"

"Havoc? Go away."


"Work's going okay, I guess. Some funny stuff happened today, but I'm afraid it's top secret stuff, I can't tell ya. The boss is being kind of a slavedriver, but he's all right. How's your work?"

"Business is good. Although sometimes I think it would go easier if I didn't have any colleagues."

"They slack off a lot, huh?"

"Mmm. One of them's a really lazy type, but the rest, it's more that they ... take a lot of work to handle. This one guy, he's pretty competent, but I swear he spends more time trying to push my buttons than he does actually doing his job. And this other ... colleague of mine. He's such a sweet thing, but he's not exactly bright. I end up looking after him rather a lot. I don't mind so much, but when I'm not there ... well, sometimes I'm a little concerned about what he'll get himself into without me around. My boss can be a little unforgiving."

"You mentioned. So, sounds like you end up doing most of the work round there, huh?"

"Sadly, yes. Sometimes I think that if I left them to it, within a day they'd all end up, well, fired." 

"You know what I think the problem is, Solaris? You're just way too much of a nice girl."


( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 6th, 2009 11:29 am (UTC)
This is a delight. Love Lust poking Envy in the eyes. Cracked me up.
Aug. 6th, 2009 11:32 am (UTC)
Hee hee, thanks! He's annoying, but she has a pretty good comeback.
Aug. 6th, 2009 02:39 pm (UTC)
Who hasn't at one point in time wanted to poke Envy's eyes out? ^^

"Sadly, yes. Sometimes I think that if I left them to it, within a day they'd all end up, well, fired." The joys of euphemism. It's a nice way of saying they'd end up BBQ'd, turned into liquid and reabsorbed. 'Greed, you're fired!' XD

Aug. 6th, 2009 02:45 pm (UTC)
"I'm not fired, I quit!" *sizzle*

Re. Envy, yes, this is what happens if you're an annoying little brother and big sis has extendable diamond-piercing claws.
Aug. 6th, 2009 03:47 pm (UTC)
The expansion of the date and relationship is so well done. I was so excited to see this.

Is it ok if I add you as a friend?
Aug. 6th, 2009 03:50 pm (UTC)
Add away! Thanks, and great icon. I realised I was intrigued by Lust's "nice girl" act. I'm sure there are plenty more lulz in there, but this is all I had for now.
Aug. 7th, 2009 11:36 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I think it's so cool that you did the whole thing with just dialogue. You had the voices down perfectly, so I could still easily tell who was who, and it was awesome. What a fabulous idea, and you did it so well! The end is a little ironic, though. :'D
Aug. 8th, 2009 08:01 am (UTC)
Thanks! It was fun to do it like this. Also a change from getting inside characters' heads - I just have to focus on capturing how they talk.
Aug. 9th, 2009 05:10 am (UTC)
And you're doing an awesome job of it! I might try something similar myself at some point. :>
Aug. 8th, 2009 07:15 am (UTC)
"Well. I have to use the underground a lot for work."

XDDDDDD This was very amusing. I loved figuring out just who was speaking. You definitely have a gift for characterization.
Aug. 8th, 2009 07:29 am (UTC)
Thanks - glad that gag came across, I wasn't sure how much people use the term "underground" for subway/metro systems outside of London (where I live).

Characterisation comes easily with FMA characters, they all have such distinctive voices, even minor characters like Rebecca (who is barrelling her way into more of my fic as we speak).
Aug. 9th, 2009 04:12 am (UTC)
Oh, Havoc.
Aug. 10th, 2009 02:24 pm (UTC)
Aw, so cute and I love all the humor tucked in there. You really do a fine job writing for FMA. I'd love to add you as a friend. Would you mind?
Aug. 10th, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone STABS YOU IN THE SPINE*.

Friend away! Can I friend you back?

*I'm still reeling from the awesomeness of this week's Brotherhood.
Aug. 10th, 2009 02:50 pm (UTC)
haha, true, true. At least she had a nice rack? *hopes he at least got to touch them*

I'd love that. ^_^ Yay kink meme and new friends!

And yes, I've watched the RAW three times now. XD Roy was the shit this week.
Aug. 10th, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
SUBS ARE OUT! *ushers you towards them*

I hoped the poor sod at least got his hands on the goods too! Hence my joke about the spirit gum - although I was totally amused at the way Brotherhood implied that he just didn't notice the tattoo because he was hypnotised by the boobs (which have their own sound effect, snort).
Aug. 10th, 2009 03:27 pm (UTC)
Watched the subs...I not going to get anything done today am I? LOL I freaking loved this episode. I'm not looking forward to next week though...I think I'll be crying much like Maes' funeral.
Aug. 10th, 2009 03:39 pm (UTC)
Do you mean the bit with the grave, or poor old Havo? I LOVE that bit with digging up the grave, and ringing Izumi, etc. One of the moments when you really see Ed start to mature.

Between the subs and finishing my other kinkmeme fic, I'm really not getting enough work done either! Damn you, Hagaren, for distracting me from important, boring things.
Aug. 10th, 2009 04:02 pm (UTC)
I think a bit of both. It's going to be a gut-wrencher for sure (Havoc telling Mustang to leave him behind gets me in a way I don't think I can accurately describe).

I know! I've just recently started my own grooming business and I'm sitting here trying to file paperwork and get my book keeping caught up, but I keep sneaking on-line to check on FMA stuff. XD Oh well, I'm mostly done the boring stuff now (and can start my next bit of fanfic).
Aug. 10th, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC)
Working from home is fraught with temptations and distractions! I'm supposed to be writing on my laptop too, just writing something which is NOT FIC.

I have now finished my kinkmeme fic and drafted a couple of other snippets, but failed utterly to finish the work I am supposed to be doing. Sounds like you're doing a bit better than me. Discipline!

P.S. Agree with you about how gutting the Havoc stuff is - hence the fic about him attempting to rebuild his life. Hope we'll see some more of him in the manga before the end.
Aug. 12th, 2009 01:14 am (UTC)
LMAO! This was inspired! I was in state of extreme giddness at the beginning with the subway map (yay!) and then the bit with Lust and Envy had me howling ("I was using those eyes" - MWAH!) and then Havoc gushing over Lust in a way that was totally Havoc had me really happy, and then Envy talking about the other Homunculus was EEK!Sloth/Envy/Gluttony!*gold*. I *LOVED* this <3

Hey, you are going to enter into the prompt contest for the "dialogue only" week right? *pokes*
Aug. 12th, 2009 07:19 am (UTC)
I actually posted this and then thought "crap! I should have saved it for the fic contest dialogue only prompt!" Entries have to be as-yet-unposted fic, don't they? I might see if I can come up with another dialogue only job, it is tempting!

Thanks for saying nice things, anyway! As you brought out so well in "Three times Lust said no, and one time she didn't", there's something so twistedly charming and sweet about Lust's relationship with Gluttony, and I loved the idea that she'd worry about him getting himself in the soup while she was away doing Havo for work purposes.
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )