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Fic: For Science

Title: For Science
Characters: Ed, Al.
Rating: PG, tops.
Word count: 502
Summary: Elrics. Long train journey. Boredom. What's the worst that could happen?
Notes: Set three years before the start of the manga, when Ed's about thirteen. Happy October 3rd, all!



Ed fidgeted, and looked out the window at the fields rushing by, and thought about train seats. Why did they make them so damn uncomfortable? It made no sense. Were cushions expensive? Why didn't they build them better?

"Seriously," he said, "what's the point? They make your ass numb after five minutes."

"If we'd booked earlier, we could have gotten second class seats instead of third," Al said, without looking up from his book.

"I was gonna!" Ed said. "Only I found that book and it distracted me."

"It's pretty interesting," said Al, mildly, still not looking up from the book in question.

Ed gave him a narrow look. He'd barely gotten a look at the book so far; Al had taken advantage of the fact that reading on trains made Ed sick as a dog: he'd swiped the book straight out of Ed's coat pocket the minute they'd sat down.

"I bet it'd be really simple to double the thickness of one of these cushions," Ed said.

"Or you could just put your coat under your butt," said Al.

"Think like a scientist," said Ed. "Improve stuff! Be creative!"

Al looked up and put his head on one side. "They sound sprung," he said, testing one with a finger. "If you don't want shards of loose metal everywhere, you'd need a tripartite formula: leather cover, springs, and a little push to move the stuffing."

"Wouldn't be that hard."

"No, but you'd need to puzzle it out first." Al's way of saying: don't clap this second, you'll blow up a cushion.

Ten minutes later, they had three pages of scribbled circles in the back of Al's notebook, a broken pencil, and a tentative working theory.

"Right," said Ed, cracking his knuckles.

Al cocked his head sceptically. "You sure?" he said.

"It's for science," said Ed.

"And everything that's for science is always a really good idea?" said Al drily.

"It's an empty carriage!" said Ed.

"Great, so it's only you who gets blinded by flying metal springs if this goes wrong. How about I do it?"

"You'll have to draw it out! It'll take too long!"

"So? We've got three more hours until our st -"

Ed had already clapped.

***


Expense Claim Form CB1, filed by Maj. Edward Elric, Oct 14 1912

650 cenz, getting a railway carriage cleaned. Reason: I vibrated all the soot off but the railway guy said it still smelled weird and that there were bits.

210 cenz, new leather pants. Reason: used spare pants to repair leather train carriage seats.

50 cenz, shitty overpriced railway coffee. Reason: wanted coffee.

300 cenz, bribing a railway guy. Reason: getting him not to call the cops.

158 cenz, ribs and slaw, Old Amos' Rib Shack and Quality Lodgings. Reason: you sent me here, pay for my food.

199 cenz, one twin bed room at Old Amos' Rib Shack etc etc. Reason: see above.

TOTAL: 1567 cenz.

Additional comments: Receipts and bills attached. Can I also submit this form as my six-monthly portfolio demonstrating research activity? I totally did it for science.

Comments

( 36 comments — Leave a comment )
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evil_little_dog
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:38 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAAHHAAHA.
bob_fish
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Happy Leather Pants Day!
seta_suzume
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:47 pm (UTC)
Ha ha ha ha! I love the expense form! XD
bob_fish
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
:D
lepharus
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:49 pm (UTC)
Pffft! This was awesome, I like your humor. For some reason I thought it especially funny that Ed needed new spare leather pants.
bob_fish
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Thirteen year old Ed is still new to form filling, but he's already grasped the concept that you should try to stick every random thing you can think of on expenses.
shindkrow
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:50 pm (UTC)
There needs to be a like button :)
bob_fish
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
slinkslowdown
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:53 pm (UTC)
XD! This is great.
bob_fish
Oct. 3rd, 2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
Yay! Thanks, glad you enjoyed.
r_kimono
Oct. 3rd, 2011 11:04 pm (UTC)
Al's way of saying: don't clap this second, you'll blow up a cushion.

Reason: you sent me here, pay for my food.


XD Oh, Ed. I'd love to be the one who got to file (ie, giggle over) all of his expense forms.
bob_fish
Oct. 4th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC)
Haha, I think his expense reports were pretty special, especially in the early days. I bet the tachi used to pass them around and cackle.
adoxerella
Oct. 3rd, 2011 11:10 pm (UTC)
It's totally for science. Anyone can see that.

Also, the expense report is pure Ed.

Thanks for sharing this.
bob_fish
Oct. 4th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed.
tyndall_blue
Oct. 3rd, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
I lost my shit laughing. This distinctly reminds me of my college years as a biology student as well as this:
http://www.scq.ubc.ca/sciencescouts/

I really want to sit down and composite all of Ed's badges. I myself still do things in the name of science...though they are sometimes questionable...
pandoraculpa
Oct. 3rd, 2011 11:41 pm (UTC)
Heeheeheehee... Oh, Ed. TOTALLY did it for science. And you're damn straight about him wringing all he can out of his expense report. Including 43 additional, unaccounted cenz, sly, tricksome fellow that he is!

Very funny, loved it! :D
bob_fish
Oct. 4th, 2011 06:18 pm (UTC)
Oh man. I altered some of the figures at the last minute, and in my sleepy state I forgot to alter the total! Imma gonna fix that now. Ed is sneaky, but he'd never get that one past Falman.

Thanks!
firebird308
Oct. 4th, 2011 12:19 am (UTC)
::snerks:: Oh, Ed.
bob_fish
Oct. 4th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC)
XD XD
cornerofmadness
Oct. 4th, 2011 03:10 am (UTC)
this is a lot of fun but the expense report was absolutely hysterical
bob_fish
Oct. 4th, 2011 06:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks! It's a very good expense report given it was composed by a grouchy thirteen year old boy.
(no subject) - cornerofmadness - Oct. 4th, 2011 06:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
voryn
Oct. 4th, 2011 04:54 pm (UTC)
Oh jeez the expense form. xD
For science, indeed.
bob_fish
Oct. 4th, 2011 06:14 pm (UTC)
XD XD XD

Kitty!
(no subject) - voryn - Oct. 4th, 2011 10:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
bookworm_faith
Oct. 4th, 2011 10:22 pm (UTC)
Oh Ed, you brilliant maniac ♥ FOR SCIENCE! indeed XD
bob_fish
Oct. 6th, 2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks! XD
dreamer1789
Oct. 5th, 2011 07:16 pm (UTC)
Wow, I just love it. First the fact that they're bored enough to work out this entire theory, but really the expense sheet is just brilliant. XD
bob_fish
Oct. 6th, 2011 08:52 pm (UTC)
Bored Elrics are dangerous. Thanks, glad you enjoyed!
sky_dark
Oct. 7th, 2011 12:18 am (UTC)
We can't have Ed having a numb ass now, can we? That should have been included in the expinditures, like 500 cenz for chiropratic butt realignment or some such XD

Very, very cute <3
bob_fish
Oct. 7th, 2011 07:00 am (UTC)
Ed can always include that in his next form! I think he'd use it to justify booking the hotel with the largest and fanciest bed he could find. Chibi Ed is not much on luxury but he does appreciate a good bed (by flopping straight down on it and falling asleep).
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( 36 comments — Leave a comment )